Thursday, December 4, 2008

Hi, my name is Jerry

Jerry Atric

My knees have been aching more this winter than any other. Hopefully it's just the weather and not the fact that I still sit on my knees like a 6 year old when I'm at home. A couple times it's been so bad, that you could even see my knees glowing red. Like I was in an Icy Hot commercial.

Yeah, you could see my bone, and the glowing was even covering my finger. It was THAT painful. Knees shouldn't be the first things to go on humans. After a million years of walking upright, you'd think the ones with shoddy knees would have dropped from the gene pool. Those wooly mammoths would have ROFL'd as the hopeless humans attempted to escape writhing in pain, their knees buckling every step looking like marionettes. Alas... they obviously must have survived long enough to reproduce, since I'm a direct decendant of one of them. Hopefully, by the time these knees give up for good, there will be some technology out there to make them super charged. Give em a POWER SURGE! I knew Mike O'Malley was on to something.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Great New Blog

A new blog has started up featuring some big names in the blogosphere and ...podcastosphere? Skepticblog is a blog put together by the cast of "The Skeptologists". Each blogger is very educated in their field of expertise, and every post is insightful. Check it out if you are at all interested about the credibility of whacky claims heard on the news or from others. But you don't have to take my word for it.
Heres a good start:

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Republicratism: The New Religion

This concept has existed since the beginning of the Bi-Partisan era. However, these days, it's spreading fast. If politics were baseball, Republicans would be the Red Sox, and Democrats would be the Yankees, with Independents as the young kids wondering why their dads are yelling at the other team's fans instead of just watching the game. The two parties are so divided, that virtually no one is a true "Republican" or "Democrat". Or are they??? (Dun dun dunnnn....)

Why do people consider themselves a Republican or a Democrat? Get this - I believe the answer is the same as why people are a Christian or a Muslim or a Jew. Parents and Community. Since birth, we are placed into categories that, most of the time, don't even have close to the same values as us.

"What a cute kid." "Yup he's my little Democrat."


How can a 3 year old know enough about the world to have opinions about it? I don't remember a lot from when I was 3, but I know I wasn't concerned with world issues.

Now when that same kid is 10, he wants to beat up a classmate, because he said Democrats suck (which the classmate's parents taught him to say). These children grow up, vote for their party, have children, and it starts all over again. Just like Religion, people believe in the party itself, retrofitting their views to agree with the party's. As the presidential campaign continues, the initial biases against the opposing candidate get strengthened every time something negative is said. Even if it's not true! These political patriots will still find a way to allow that statement, however untrue it may be, to enhance their hatred towards the candidate. It gets to the point where just seeing the other candidate, or listening to their speeches make them angry. Everything the opposing candidate says is a lie in their mind. It's all an attempt to brainwash you into voting for them, so they can be elected and execute their plan for world domination. Party polarization at its finest. This all happens in the unconscious, which is why most people don't think they are being biased at all. They will just claim that they disagree with the opposing candidate, and agree with their own.

- "We're not anti-abortion. We're pro-life!"
- "Oh yeah? I am also an advocate of life! Go Republicans!"

- "We want tax cuts to the lower 95%!"
- "Woot. Go Democrats."
- "But they will be raising the tax for your business."
- "Yeah, but they are lowering taxes for 95%! Go Democrats!"

Are people actually against gay marriage? Or is it just because their party says they are? Why would someone "pro-life" want less gun control? Ah Yes! Political patriotism is at it again. I think the worst is when people respond with "because I'm a Democrat/Republican" when asked why they are voting for their candidate. We are giving up our critical thinking skills, and allowing the irrational emotional part of our consiousness to take over. No one wants to question themself, so why do it? Admittedly, when Barack Obama became a potential candidate, I wanted to vote for him, almost exclusively because he was Black. I thought that having a Black president would be a huge step in the progression of this country. Plus it would be a great way to tell those who oppose it to get with the times. To me, this issue was way more important than anything else. Now this is no where near as bad as voting for someone because of their political party, but I now agree (thanks to a few friends) that all issues should be considered when choosing a candidate. I mean, what if he was palin' around with terrorists?(LOL @ Fox News) After looking up the issues, and positions I found that I agreed on mostly everything he had to say. Did I hold those same beliefs before I knew Obama was supporting them? Who knows? I'd like to think so (I was a "little Democrat" afterall :)).

But, I'm an Independent now. Only because we all have to be in a category, right? We can't just be a Person. One who holds their own beliefs, shaped from critical thinking, and rational thought about what we experience in our life. We have to choose a group, and since there is no WeLikeTo Party, Independent is the next best thing I guess. It feels nice being able to think for yourself. No obligation trying to defend your group of people against criticism. No need to retrofit your beliefs to justify the category that you want to be associated with. How does one obtain such luxury? Not blindly following one party or another is a great first step. Voting for Obama, because he is Black, or McCain, because he is old are both pretty stupid reasons, but they are at least reasons that required conscious thought. Simply going with "the usual" is not the way to go. Unless "the usual" is a Taylor ham egg and cheese sandwich.

Epilogue - An experiment I would love to see happen is to present hypothetical candidates to the most hardcore partisan patriots. Each candidate has the other party's plaform. How many would still vote for their party's candidate? I would hypothesize significantly more than if you didn't give party names.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Important News

Mega Man 9 is fucking hard.
That is all.

In other news, here is how to make a White Russian:

  1. Fill a rocks or highball glass with ice.
  2. Pour the vodka into the glass. Use a measuring cup, free pour, or pour a portion from a mini bottle. Mini bottles are 50 milliliters, which is equal to 1.69 fluid ounces. Pour a little more than half of a mini bottle to get about one fluid ounce, and a little more than a quarter of the bottle will be about one half of a fluid ounce. If using one and one half ounces, just pour in the entire bottle and call it even.
  3. Pour the Kahlua into the glass. There is no need to stir, but some may prefer to stir the ingredients at this point with a swizzle stick to mix the alcoholic ingredients. The Kahlua can be poured before the vodka, but even when the Kahlua is poured second it will sink to the bottom of the glass because it is heavier than the vodka.
  4. Top off the glass with half and half or milk. The drink is usually not stirred after adding the half and half or milk, as the alcoholic ingredients, especially the Kahlua, should rest on the bottom of the glass. The dark Kahlua should be evident on the bottom of the glass, and contrast with the milk. The vodka will not be apparent, at it is clear, and it will mix some with the milk.
  5. Garnish with a single maraschino cherry if desired. The cherry can be rested on the surface of the drink itself, and will be supported by the ice cubes that are in the drink. A stemmed cherry that has not been speared with a toothpick is desirable.
  6. Serve the drink with a cocktail straw if desired. The straw will enable the alcoholic ingredients to be sipped from the bottom of the drink, or the drink can be stirred if desired.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

These Tablets Aren't For Your Heartburn

Last night was quite the bamboozler. I went to a Secret Science Club (probably shouldn't have told you that) meeting in Brooklyn. The speaker was Tony Rothman, a Cosmologist and Physics professor at Princeton. He talked about San Gaku's which are old Japanese mathematical tablets. On them were ancient geometical problems like this one:

Here is the solution

Considering there are only about 900 that remain of these, I don't think they are going to replace Sudoku's anytime soon (althought they should). Rothman also wrote a book this year called Sacred Mathematics: Japenese Temple Geometry. He was selling signed copies there, but I was too busy getting my flirt on with some scientific honeys, and they sold out. Overall, the meeting was a good time. I'll end with a cool puzzler that was asked at the beginning.

Three mathematicians are talking.
"How many kids do you have?" The first asks the second mathematician.
"Three," she answers.
"How old are they?" he asks.
"Well if you multiply their ages, you get 72. But if you add them, you get
your office number." She says.

The first mathematician thinks for a few seconds and says, "I do not think
there is enough information for me to solve this!" he says.

The mother mathematician immediately says, "Oh, of course, I forgot to tell
you that the eldest plays the violin!"

What are the ages of the children???


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Hi, could you put some cash residue on it too? Thanks. Don't be shy, slather that shit on there.

"Here is your food sir, along with the dirty oils from 1000 hands dating back to 1980."

That is what people who prepare your food, and work the cash register should be saying. I appreciate the thought of you trying to keep your hand germs from getting on my food. Really, I do. Those plastic gloves are a miracle of modern science. If only they cleaned themselves after handling the money of every customer... Who knows? Maybe the employees are just protecting their own hands from the food they are playing with. If this is the case, I appologize.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Moar Politix

Last night was the part 3 of the Republican National Convention, and oh what a night it was! I managed to make it through an hour before deciding that there were more important things that I could be doing (like trying to max out my character's stats in Castle Crashers). In that hour, I saw what looked to be a combination of a country concert sans beautiful girls, one of those evangelical mass gatherings you see on TV, and an unorganized rally where everyone just puts together their own signs that really don't make sense. Despite the red and blue everywhere, I noticed a lot of WHITE in the room. You're not fooling anyone, camera crew! I know people of different races all look the same, but when you focus the camera on the same one black person in the crowd, people begin to notice. They had those faces like, "What the fuck did I get myself into?" Old white people dancing and shouting everywhere. I found the chanting actually funny. "NBC! NBC! NBC!" as an attack on the media? Sorry, but that's not going to help it. "Drill Baby, Drill!" I love it! These people don't even know what they are chanting about. This crowd was so fired up, I could have gone and started a chant like "Show Your Boobs!" or "O'Doyle Rules!" and most of these blind zealots would have joined in, without question. For the most part, the speeches went well. Palin's, was delivering one-liner after one-liner that got the crowd even more pumped. She's got talent. Even Joe Biden was impressed, However, when it comes to the real issues she's gonna have a problem. How will she be able to debate real ticket issues without coming off bat shit crazy? I hope she passed gym class, because she'll have to dodge a ball of topics(ohhhhh!). Back to the convention. Here are some pictures I dug up of last night:

What? You want to drill?? For moose???

Sold out seats

Heeeeeerrrreee's Johnny!

I approve of both of those buttons.

Texas: We are exactly what you thought we were.

Ah yes... The main reason McCain chose Palin - To unite all hockey moms...


Ok... ¿Dónde están sus amigos unidos?

A scary picture.

I realize this is very bias. I'm sure there are just as many flaws that could be pointed out in the Democratic National Convention. If anyone has some funny info / pictures from the DNC worth sharing, lemme know.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Opinions are like assholes

The excitement of the VP annoucements have come and gone. All the hype about a hot Vice President is getting old now, and it's time to get down to business. As most people know (or should know), the presidential campaigns are always full of shit. The sole purpose of campaigns are for the candidates to wrangle as many voters as possible to believe that their platform is the one to vote for. They have general positions that usually conflict with the opposing party (Not parties. Let's face it. The US is a two party system, and until we can accept that there is more than just black or white on issues, it's going to stay that way). For example: "Abortion is good!" Ok. That is a well defined position, and everyone knows exactly what that person believes. But what if only 1/4 of the population think abortion is good? What if another 1/4 think that abortion is only OK, and should be avoided if possible? They might go with the other candidate who says, "Abortion is not good! Killing babies is not even cool, and no one should be able to do it. We support life!" Well that person might decide, "Well, while I think that abortions might be beneficial in some cases, I also support life, and don't support killing babies. I guess Anti-abortion is my stance." It's all about the bluring of lines.

With that said, We can only vote for one person. With that person comes all of their stances. It's like a game of tag, and those 3 BFF's, one of whom really sucks at tag, HAVE to be on the same team. Well two of them are really good, but is the slow kid worth them? Maybe not, but at least it is a net gain over those other 3 BFF's, two of whom really suck at tag. It's a package deal. So the only reasonable method of deciding on the candidate of choice is to determine the general position on every issue of each candidate. Pick the candidate for each choice in which you find their views closer to yours than the other. Then weigh each issue on personal importance, and conclude who fits your opinions better. I've already done this for McCain and Obama, and made my choice. So for fun, I wanted to compare Palin and Biden.

Again, opinions are like assholes. Everyone else's stinks (though some are way better than others). So debates like "Obama rocks!" - "No he doesn't! Obama totally sucks, McCain is better!" - "Nuh Uh!" are worthless. I'm going to compare some of the issues I think are important, and determine a winner. All of this info was taken from, so I'm going to assume it is accurate. I also removed a lot of the voting stats. I don't agree with the whole flip flopper argument. Peoples' views change. Abe Lincoln didn't want equal rights? What a racist! Society changes and evolves, so what someone said 50 years ago should be taken with a grain of salt. Unless of course it's something like "Voted YES to Anti Breathing Act which would make breathing illegal". Anyway, on to the battle.

Round 1 Fight!

Joe Biden
Allow women to choose, but no federal funding. (Jul 2007)
No public funding for abortion; it imposes a view. (Apr 2007)
Supports partial-birth abortion ban, but not undoing Roe. (Apr 2007)
Accepts Catholic church view that life begins at conception. (Apr 2007)
Nominees should agree on constitutional right to privacy. (Apr 2007)
Voted NO on banning human cloning. (Feb 1998)
Expand embryonic stem cell research. (Jun 2004)
Ensure access to and funding for contraception. (Feb 2007)

I agree with the views on abortion, and federal funding. I like how, despite his religious affiliation, he supports it. A good example of Church and State separation. Woot! Human Clones!

Sarah Palin
Rejected sympathy for Down's Syndrome son, as gift from God. (Aug 2008)
Opposes stem cell research. (Aug 2008)
Every baby is created with a future and potential. (Aug 2008)
Pro-life. (Nov 2006)
Pro-contraception, pro-woman, pro-life. (Aug 2006)
Only exception for abortion is if mother's life would end. (Jul 2006)

Thumbs down to the stem cell opposition. I am also a proponent of contraception, woman, and life. Thumbs up to those. There are more reasons for abortion than just the mother's life.

Biden Wins!


Round 2 Fight!
Budget & Economy

Joe Biden
Balancing budget is about priorities; GOP made wrong choices. (Dec 2007)
Save Pentagon spending by getting the troops out of Iraq. (Dec 2007)
More transparency for hedge funds and private equity funds. (Aug 2007)
Invest in new programs by ending war & eliminating tax cuts. (Apr 2007)

Hmm, ok.

Sarah Palin
Reduced general fund spending by $124 million. (Mar 2007)
Aim to reduce general fund spending by $150 million. (Jan 2007)
Firm believer in free market capitalism. (Nov 2006)

Not much here either.



Round 3 Fight!
Civil Rights

Joe Biden
Civil unions ok; gay marriage is probably inevitable. (Apr 2007)
Voted NO on recommending Constitutional ban on flag desecration. (Jun 2006)

He doesn't have much of an opinion on gay marriage. I'm neutral on this one.
NOTE: The fact that there was an attempt to actually ban flag desecration is baffling.

Sarah Palin
Vetoed bill denying benefits to gays, as unconstitutional. (Aug 2008)
Marriage only be between and man and a woman. (Nov 2006)
Value our cultural diversity. (Nov 2006)
Ok to deny benefits to homosexual couples. (Aug 2006)
No spousal benefits for same-sex couples. (Jul 2006)
Top priorities include preserving definition of "marriage". (Jul 2006)

Value our cultural diversity, eh? It doesn't look like it.

Biden Wins!


Round 4 Fight!

Joe Biden
Hire more teachers and pay them for smaller classes. (Dec 2007)
For longer school day & school year, & 16-year minimum. (Oct 2007)
$3000 tax credit for college for anyone earning under $150K. (Sep 2007)
There needs to be performance-based pay for teachers. (Aug 2007)
Teach sex ed in schools; including prevention methods. (Aug 2007)
Overcome racial achievement gap with early education. (Jun 2007)
Pay teachers more to get better educational results. (Apr 2007)

I agree with all of this (longer school year too, now that I'm out. muhahaha). I'm surprised performance based pay isn't already implemented.

Sarah Palin
Teach creationism alongside evolution in schools. (Aug 2008)
Supports teaching intelligent design in public schools. (Aug 2008)
Committed to providing strong education, including morals. (Jan 2008)
Fully fund K-12 and support early funding of education. (Jan 2007)
Supports charter schools, home schools, & other alternatives. (Nov 2006)
Faith-based materials ok in homeschooling. (Nov 2006)
Supports parental choice for what is best for their children. (Nov 2006)
Let parents opt out of schoolbooks they find offensive. (Jul 2006)
Parents know best, about school spending & school age. (Jul 2006)
Pledge of Allegiance with 'Under God' is good enough. (Jul 2006)

Soooo many things wrong here. First of all, strong education != creationism. Education involves getting facts to students so they can learn and become more intelligent. Creationism has absolutely nothing proven about it. Intelligent design is just more creationism. I do support informing student what the idea of creationism or intelligent design is. However, in no way should it actually be taught as a proven fact. Support charter schools, home schools, and other alternatives? Ok. Faith based materials in homeschooling? No fucking way. That is an oxymoron. "faith" based "schooling". "Faith", which by definition means believing something without evidence to support it, should not be considered as a form of education. Parents do NOT know best. They didn't go to school for education or study the development of the human mind (unless they got homeschooled, by their parents (who probably got homeschooled by their parents (etc...))). Teach your kid what you want, but he'd better not get any real degree. Also, have fun taking care of him when he comes back home, because he can't cope with society.

Biden Wins!


Round 5 Fight!
Energy & Oil

Joe Biden
The energy challenge take sacrifice and is a moral crusade. (Dec 2007)
Supports cap-and-trade for greenhouse gases. (Nov 2007)
Provide for emergency fuel assistance immediately. (Oct 2007)
Make every automobile sold be a flex-fuel automobile. (Apr 2007)

Not really what I was looking for. That automobile idea is pretty cool.

Sarah Palin
Global warming affects Alaska, but is not man-made. (Aug 2008)
To win, GOP must push energy independence. (Aug 2008)
Agrees with Obama on more Alaska oil & gas production. (Aug 2008)
Lift moratorium on offshore drilling. (Jul 2008)
Convinced McCain to drill offshore; not yet on drilling ANWR. (Jul 2008)
$250M for proven alternative energy, including wind & hydro. (Jan 2008)
Fund cellulosic biofuel research in Farm Bill. (Oct 2007)

The global warming comment is just ignorant. I disagree with drilling offshore, but can't really decide what is needed for short term benefit. Funding for alternative energy shows a push for the future.

Palin Wins!


Round 6 Fight!

Joe Biden
America should guarantee Katrina reconstruction. (Jun 2007)
Take away the billions of subsidy to the oil companies. (Jun 2007)
End commercial whaling and illegal trade in whale meat. (Jun 2001)
EPA must do better on mercury clean-up. (Apr 2004)
Strengthen prohibitions against animal fighting. (Jan 2007)


Sarah Palin
Opposed protections for salmon from mining contamination. (Aug 2008)
Sue US government to stop listing polar bear as endangered. (Aug 2008)

OMG polar bearz r not endangered!! Stop saying that they are!



Round 7 Fight!
Principles & Values

Joe Biden
Insulted Indian-Americans in attempt to compliment vibrancy. (Nov 2007)
Prayer gives you strength, but doesn't prevent crises. (Aug 2007)
Religion informs my values; my reason dictates outcomes. (Jul 2007)
Biggest mistake was thinking he could work with George Bush. (Apr 2007)
Knocked out of 1988 race due to plagiarizing a speech. (Oct 2005)
Religious affiliation: Catholic. (Nov 2000)

Another good example of separation between Church and State. Oh shit he plagiarizes too!

Sarah Palin
Miss Congeniality in statewide beauty pageant in 1984. (Aug 2008)
Husband left oil job to avoid conflict; now works for BP. (Aug 2008)
Religion: non-denominational Bible-believing Christian. (Aug 2008)

Why don't we talk about your values over a nice bubble bath?

Biden Wins!


Biden: 4
Palin: 1

Game, Set, Match.

Friday, August 29, 2008

That does it. I'm voting for McCain.

Not because he is indirectly promoting Intelligent Design. Not because he wants Church and State to be less separate. Not because he is against abortion or supports off shore oil drilling, All of which I completely support (/endsarcasm). It's because he selected a fly ass middle aged honey for vice president. This was a great strategy. Pull in all of the Hillary supporting femenists, and the horny adolescent boys in one fell swoop. Bravo John McCain... Bravo.

Ok kids. Can you say milf? Cmon, say it with me. Miiiiiilllllffff.

PS - There is some serious E-Drama going on about this over at

Monday, August 25, 2008

August 19th = National Good Rap Day

What is better than a phenomenal rap album being released?
Answer: TWO phenomenal rap albums being released.

GZA's Pro Tools and Ice Cube's Raw Footage both came out on August 19th. I got a copy of both and after listening to them over the weekend, I've concluded that these are probably the best two rap albums of the year to date. Each is successful at delivering the style that is they are both know for. GZA spits lyrical wizardry over Wu-Tang style gritty beats, while Cube has the hard hitting flow that tackles everything from politics to the hood. The only problem I had with Raw Footage is that some of the songs have a Dirty South feel to them. His lyrics are still solid, but they don't belong in songs like that. The first song right after the intro is called "I got my Locs On"... and it features Young Jeezy. Talk about bad first impressions. Luckily after managing to separate the ones with the Southern influence from the ones that fit Cube, I still came out with a lot of great music.

Here are my favorite tracks on each album:

Pro Tools
Alphabets - I absolutely love this beat. It's simple, yet so addictive that it can get you nodding more than a child with Bobble-Head Doll Syndrome.
Groundbreaking - Another nasty beat. Plus the second verse features his son, Justice. They switch off and finish eachother's rhymes, Run-DMC style.
0% Finance - He goes crazy. Non stop rapping throwing out about every Car metaphor you can think of. It's one of those songs that shows why he deserves the name Genius.
Interlude - A interview clip describing how he saw a Wu Tang logo tattooed on someone's face. "I've never seen a G-Unit logo on someone's face or arm" hints at his next song.
Paper Plates - The song name implies that 50 Cent's music is disposable. He tears him up good. I love when good rappers put the bad ones in their place.
Cinema - A pretty creative song alluding to horror movies.

Raw Footage
Intro - Basically Ice Cube has a pyroclastic flow. "Red hot lava, mixed with saliva."
It takes a Nation - The chorus alludes to a Public Enemy song. Like most of his songs, this one has some heavy hitting wicked lyrics. "I got King Kong in the trunk. King Kong in the doors / My nuts play ping from the noise / You can hear me from a block away / I'm sitting next to yo ass and can't hear what you got to say"
Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It - True gangsta beat. He takes a sarcastic approach to society blaming rap for everything negative. "I keep it gangsta, and why should I change that / Fuck you old motherfuckers tryin' to change rap / But ain't you the same cat, that sat back when they brought cocaine back" He throws in some specifics too. "If I call you a nappy headed ho, ain't nothin to it. Gangsta Rap made me do it.(referring to Don Imus)" "If I shoot up ya college, ain't nothin to it. Gangsta rap made me do it.(referring to recent college shootings)"
Hood Mentality - It's songs like these where his lyrics shine. Each verse focuses on a different aspect of the "Hood Mentality". Drug dealing / playing sports. He uses a sarcastic approach again which works well.
Do Ya Thang - One of the album's singles. The difference between Ice Cube's club bangers and most others is that he actually shows skill on them.
Get Money, Spend Money, No Money - Another supreme West Coast beast.
Get Used To It - Nasty beat featuring sick verses from WC, and The Game. I love WC. His voice is so thuggish.

9 / 10 for both of them. There were a few songs on each that were below par, but every album has at least one bad song in it (except for Green Day - Dookie). Plus the good songs more than made up for it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Spore Creature Creator

Best $10 ever spent! Go buy it now and make such monstrosities as these:

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Kafir Girl

Will you marry me?

No? Ok, thats cool. I'll just get your father to marry you off to me. But wait... You ARE at least 1 year old, right? Anything less would be unlawful of course.

Kafir Girl is the creator of a most righteous blog about the Quran, the book of Islam. She takes on the monumental task of actually reading the book (because who actually reads the books they lead their life by?) and writing brilliant responses almost line by line to everything in it. And by brilliant responses, I mean this healthy dose of awesome at the start of chapter 2:

God pulls out the big guns right at the beginning.

"2. This is a book free from doubt and involution"

He just throws that out there: there is no doubt or complexity in this book. No doubt. No complexity. In my opinion, the validity of this entire book absolutely hangs off of this claim. If there is any doubt or complexity in this book, it’s all a sham. I mean, that’s a serious claim there. It doesn’t take long for things to fall apart. A few verses later comes the abrogation clause:

"106. When We cancel a message (sent to an earlier prophet) or throw it into oblivion, We replace it with one better or one similar. Do you not know that God has power over all things?"

God, who is omniscient and all-powerful, makes a neat little loophole for himself, so he can suddenly change his mind and cancel out previous revelations and replace them with newer, better revelations. …I don’t even know what to say.


Mohammed was one clever summabitch. A merchant life was wasted on that guy, he should have been a lawyer...

As you probably guess she is not a muslim, and assuming her quotes are legit, I don't understand how anyone could be when you really think about how nonsensical the verses and ideas sound.

Anyway, head over there if you want a very well written athiest's view on the Quran. ...or if you just want some entertainment. There are 114 chapters in The Holy Quran and she is only on 8, so you'll have plenty of time to catch up.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I need 883 numbers. Help me!

My cousin just sent me a text message: If you don't send this to 1000 people, you will be sexually harrassed by elves.

Talk about shitty luck... Now I've gotta start furiously accumulating cell numbers to preserve my well being. 10 people is one thing but 1000??? If only chain letters weren't real, then I wouldn't have to worry about the fairest of creatures doing unfair things to me. But alas... they are probably stringing their bows right now - bows made from the hardest of Yew wood - naming them with evil names like the "Bow of Anal Annihilation", or the "Yew Bow To Your Knees, And Please".

So, if you don't hear from me again, it is because I am lost in Lothlorien naked and cold with no one to protect me, but the ones I need protection from!

Monday, July 28, 2008

This post is random

No it isn't, you fools!

My first post made me think about how over/misused the word "random" is used in speech these days. "Random" is the new "like" (X is the new Y is also an overused phrase). For the sake of your eyes, and my shift key, I'm not going to throw quotes around "random" (starting now), and instead I'll italicize it. So don't worry. They didn't just randomly disappear.

Everyone knows what random means. Something that occurs by chance is random. Flip a coin, and it will randomly fall onto one of its sides. Now, anyone picky enough will say that it's outcome is predictable based on the variables such as flip speed and air flow, making it chaotic but not random. Well go fuck yourself, because it is about as random as you can get. Anyway, that is an event by chance. If you place Helen Keller in a room and tell her there are 4 sides with a door on each side. One of them leads to the outside, the other 3 lead to the Great Pit of Carkoon where the Sarlacc will devour her slowly. What is the chance that she chooses the right door? That is random. The genes you acquired from your parents were chosen at random (or so we believe).

HOWEVER, that dude that you talked to at the bar was NOT random. You didn't stick a quarter in a dude machine and cause him to tumble down the spiral ramp to greet you at the bottom. Why? Because if you did, then everyone would probably be looking over at you while you stand very awkwardly as he rolls down the ramp making that loud rolling sound everyone knows, taking an exceeding long amount of time to reach the end. And since no one was looking over, that event probably didn't happen.

It has become ingrained in our vocabulary to use random for strange events or things that may have been unlikely or unexpected. I think the growth of its popularity originates from a few sources:

Pop Culture - Most celebrity figures are idiots. Especially younger people in reality shows. Their immature communication skills get broad casted around the world and get passed to the viewers. They get picked up like memes and perpetuate the trend.

Education - There is no mandatory class devoted to vocabulary and communication. We did our little word lists in English class and forgot 99% of the words the day after the test. A class focusing on speech could use strategies to not only just strengthen vocabulary, but actually get people to use it in daily conversation.

American Dream - We all want to be successful by doing the least amount of work necessary. This might get integrated into speech as well. If we can get the point across with less effort, then more time can be spent doing other things. Restructuring something like "This random guy came up to me at the bar. Randomly he bought me a drink and tried to talk to be about some random stuff. It was so random." might take slightly longer. Most people know what that was intended to mean. A guy came up to this person at the bar. She wasn't expecting it, but unless the guy was blindfolded, and spun around with his nose on a bat 10 times before coming up to her, it probably wasn't random.

So here is where you say, "Then Dave. What must be done to stop this de-evolution of the English language?"
Well we have to treat the cause, not the symptoms. Stop making silly TV shows where stupid people are portrayed as icons. Teach kids not just what words and sentences mean. Teach them how to use the words, naturally in everyday communication. Most synonyms have slightly different meaning, and some can be more accurate than others for the particular context. And this doesn't mean just changing the sentence to "This arbitrary guy came up to me at the bar. Haphazardly, he bought me a drink and tried to talk to me about some desultory stuff. It was so whimsical." I'll punch you in the face if you say that. To us, this seems like a mighty task. We have already established a strong bond with our speech, and it would be very difficult to break from it. However, children could easily learn this if they had proper education. And finally, we would have to change the foundation of our entire society. We would have to get people to want to be productive and thorough (I don't see this happening anytime soon. At least not to me :)).

So that was longer that expected. Halfway through I randomly decided to do some serious analysis. I also randomly chose this point to stop, so until next time,

keep the whole world in your hand
not on the shoulders of Atlas, who be shruggin' like Ayn Rand
(Not chosen because of this post. It was totally random.)


"I only smoke when I'm drunk"

(This was previously a facebook note, but I decided to throw it here so it looks like I actually update this place.)

Top 5 worst habits:
5. Biting your nails
4. Picking your nose
3. Saying the word "like"
2. Smoking cigarettes
1. Throwing cigarettes on the ground

If there is one thing more disgusting than smoking cigarettes, it is the 3-day aftertaste of chitterlings (pig intestine). If there is another thing more disgusting, it is destroying the world with cigarette butts. Did the ground ask to bum a stoge? If my gravitational pull was that of the earth, and had people walking around on my limbs, would it be ok to throw cigarettes on me? Of course not! This obsurd disposal of faggotry is getting out of hand. Well today I saw the worst cancer stick toss in history, and couldn't handle it.

This woman was walking toward me about 50 feet away, smoking a cig like it was breakfast and she didn't eat the night before.

25 feet away - she takes the last puff. It lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Now don't quote me on this, because it may have just been the heat playing tricks on me, but I swear that nearby people actually shifted toward her as if that last inhalation was sucking in space itself. It was frightening, and I hope to never see that again.

10 feet away - she flicks the cigarette - as if flicking cigarettes was an olympic sport and she was the gold medalist - straight to the ground. It landed with so much force, the sparks exploded upward like the devil himself was erupting forth from the depths of hell. The cigarette bounced with such grace. People stared in awe as it flipped through the air like the wand from Super Mario 3 tumbling into the hand of the king. On a nearby advertisement, Joe Camel took off his sunglasses and began cheering at the perfect execution of her toss. The cigarette landed no more than 2 feet from the nearby building ashtray. For anyone not familiar with ashtrays, they are what cigarette butts go into. But this woman didn't want to be bothered with using it...

0 feet away - enter Dave stage left.

"Excuse me ma'm, but I think you dropped something."

The look on her face as I bent down and picked up her cigarette was absolutely priceless. It was a look of pure emptyness. Her entire understanding of the universe and its perfect structure completely collapsed. The routine of her life - wake up, smoke, drop cigarettes, sleep - was shattered in a single instant.

"I - uhmm - no I don't know what you mean."

"It's ok. Don't be so modest. I saw you drop this, and wouldn't want you to lose it."

She took it. Stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. How could one man break everything in another's life with one action? Her eyes longed for understanding of what just happened. I walked away, and didn't look back.

This story is more than just a simple tale of my morning. It is the start of a revolution! We must unite the people and cure the diseased of their habit. Whenever someone throws away a cigarette to the ground, pick it up and give it back. Do what you need to do until they properly dispose of it. Give it to them twice if needed. If they ignore you, put it down their shirt like an ice cube. Only instead of giving them the chills, it will give them the burns. Signs of their failure at life. If the person looks scary, put it out on their eyes so they can't see you when you run away. Soon the world will be free of cigarette butts. Once again we will be able to lick the ground and not have to worry if Benzene, Tar, Ammonia, or Carbon Monoxide are hogging up the licking space, wrapped up in cylindrical form.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Some bloggin' for your noggin

Welcome to Debloggery!

I'm a little late at jumping on the Web 2.0 bandwagon. "You ain't cool unless you have a blog." That's what all the kids are saying these days, so here is my attempt at claiming the popularity that has laid dormant for the last several years.

The theme of this blog is "Chaotic." While I could have easily used the term "random", nothing is truly "random" - except possibly for spins of electrons, and other significantly tiny particles (waves?). Chaos describes events that appear random. They are unpredictable as far as we know, yet have underlying patterns. Since all thought pretty much stems from previous events, it isn't quite random, but may seem so often. Thus, Chaotic will be an appropriate description of this blog. Especially in the early stages. I'll probably use it just to dump all of the thoughts in my mind worth sharing, like a painfully bloated mind-colon spewing an explosive diarrhea of words all over the page, and as much as other might want me to use that scrub brush, I'm keeping this place raw - telling you how it is. Maybe in the coming days / months / years, I'll start taking those multivitamins and solidify my ideas a little better, and maybe even move to a theme that isn't chaotic.

Alright, folks. I'm out like Emiglio.