2008 In Retrospect

What a year... We lost an economy. We gained a Black president. The Grape Lady video is still as funny as it was in 2007. In order to officially say goodbye to 2008, I feel it’s only necessary to compile a list of useful tidbits to keep in mind as we venture into the new year.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you,

The Guide to 2009: Lessons Learned From 2008

• You don't appreciate the 1:41 AM train until it's gone.

• Getting an early start on Sunday to drive home from the beach is a smart plan in theory, but fails in practice, because EVERYBODY gets an early start on Sunday to drive home from the beach.

• Hockey games are actually fun to attend.

• You can get anyone to sing with a private karaoke room.

• Getting a tattoo IS as painful as it looks.

• If you are desperate at the end of the night, say "Yo, does anyone want to make out?" to a group of girls. It has a 100% success rate so far.

• When attending a wedding, don't bring someone you have to babysit. Bring someone you know will have a good time. Bonus points if they are hot.

• Play poker very conservatively in the casinos. The other players will get pissed and throw away all of their money trying to make you fold on good hands.

• The difference between a restaurant "fee" and "gratuity" added for large parties is not worth arguing over. It can end friendships.

• The difference between "crayon" and "cran" IS worth arguing over. It can strengthen friendships.

• Don't miss Newark Penn Station when taking the last train home. Bad things happen to good people.

• Mistletoe-on-a-stick has great potential, and if mass produced, would make literally hundreds of dollars.

• Copper wind spinners don't work when hanging from an attic ceiling.

• Girls find you more attactive when you dress like a guido.

• NEVER, under any circumstances, do Teach For America. It's worse than boot camp.

• Don't wait another 15 years to go to Medieval Times.

• Boyfriends are like assholes. Every girl has one. Especially the really awesome girls who have 2 (one being their boyfriend).

• Virginia Tech > Boston College

• Joshua Tree gets way too crowded, but I will still continue to go there.

• and finally, Don't take taxis home from NYC that lack GPS capabilities.