I need 883 numbers. Help me!

My cousin just sent me a text message: If you don't send this to 1000 people, you will be sexually harrassed by elves.

Talk about shitty luck... Now I've gotta start furiously accumulating cell numbers to preserve my well being. 10 people is one thing but 1000??? If only chain letters weren't real, then I wouldn't have to worry about the fairest of creatures doing unfair things to me. But alas... they are probably stringing their bows right now - bows made from the hardest of Yew wood - naming them with evil names like the "Bow of Anal Annihilation", or the "Yew Bow To Your Knees, And Please".

So, if you don't hear from me again, it is because I am lost in Lothlorien naked and cold with no one to protect me, but the ones I need protection from!